“My life is nothing special.”
I hear this sentence again and again in my writing groups. Often quietly, reservedly, sometimes with an apologetic smile. And mostly from women. From young women as well as older ones. From women who have raised children, who are “their wives” at work, who have traveled the world. Of women who care for relatives, who have overcome crises and reinvented themselves.
And every time I think: Yes, your life is extraordinary. Because every life is extraordinary. Because we all have a different view of the things that surround us. We all perceive our environment differently. We can all change the world with our thoughts, feelings and actions. No … We can not only change it. We do it every day.
This is precisely why biography work, i.e. working with and on one’s own life story, is so valuable for women. It shows us what we have achieved. It strengthens our self-esteem. It gives our story the voice it deserves.
Women often don’t see what they achieve
A few years ago, I met a woman. Let’s call her Grete. She told me casually: “I just worked, looked after the children, my husband and the garden. Nothing special.”
A closer look revealed that Grete earned the money for the family. Her husband was seriously ill and died after she had cared for him for years. There were always arguments in the family. She also had to take care of the household and raise the children. It was a lot of work, but she was even more stressed by the responsibility and the fact that she had to keep track of everything. She “survived”, managed everything more or less well and achieved something professionally. It was never easy for her. Nevertheless, she says: “Anyone could have done it like that.”
That’s typical of many women. Still is. They don’t see children, housework, care and organization as an achievement, but as a duty and a matter of course. Many men are more inclined to talk about their successes, whether professional, sporting or political. They also like to exaggerate, put themselves at the center of attention and want to be admired. Of course, there are also reserved men. And there are more and more women who like to take to the big stage and celebrate their successes. That’s a good thing. But unfortunately, it is still typical for women to talk down their own successes or hide them in subordinate clauses.
When women write down their memories, when they remember scenes from their everyday lives, the seemingly small actions take on weight. Then it becomes clear that a woman has worked tirelessly for years. This is a strength that should not be overlooked. A strength that has produced and will continue to produce great things.
When writing, something wonderful often happens: the women begin to marvel. About themselves. They read their own texts and say: “That was really my life? I never thought I could have achieved so much.”
Self-esteem – the (un)secret construction site
Many women carry a hidden wound inside them: the feeling of not being enough. I know this well myself. I have often asked myself: What could I have done better in raising my children? Why didn’t I achieve more at work? And if I weighed five kilos less, I would be beautiful enough … For what?
Sentences like this come up again and again when I talk to women. Behind this lies a self-esteem problem that has deeply shaped us women. For many generations, we have been taught not to put ourselves in the foreground, to be modest, to look after others and to let the men decide. Only since 1962 have wives been allowed to open a bank account on their own. Only since 1969 have married women had full legal capacity. And only since 1977 have women been allowed to work without their husbands’ permission. In principle, this was already permitted from 1958, but with the addition that it had to be compatible with their duties in marriage and family. It’s not easy to shake off that, even if it seems that women have become more self-confident these days.
In my courses, I often find that writing acts like a mirror. Suddenly the texts throw back scenes from the past. The career choice, the first apartment, an adventurous journey, a courageous separation, persevering in difficult times.
The women get closer to each other and their memories. They find out who they are and who they want to be. As they write, they often begin to nod. Something grows in them that they may not have felt for a long time: Pride.
At first, this pride is rather quiet and reserved. But by writing, they prove what they have achieved, learned and mastered in their lives. To other people, but above all to themselves: Look, here it is. In black and white.
Biography work as self-care
Many women are trained their whole lives to take care of others. Time for yourself is a luxury that you set yourself as a goal. “When the children are out of the house … When I have enough money … When I’m retired …”
But then it may be too late.
When I start writing, I immerse myself: for a few minutes or hours, it’s all about me. About my memories, my dreams, my voice, my ideas. Writing frees me from doubts, shows me my way, clarifies my thoughts and feelings.
And it’s not just me. Many women I have worked with confirm this.
One course participant suddenly started to grin as she was writing. “I’m just imagining how I quit my unloved job back then. At first my boss said: You won’t find anything new anyway. I replied that I would go to the competition and earn almost twice as much there. You wouldn’t believe the look on his face. That was delicious. I walked out the door with my head held high.”
Aha moments like these are worth their weight in gold. They make it clear that we don’t have to be victims of circumstances, but that we are the creators of our lives.
Treasure and chest in one
Every woman carries stories within her. Some are dazzling, colorful and funny, some are painful, wistful and gray. We are all treasure chests for our adventures, experiences and insights. When we open ourselves up to our memories, look into the chest and write down episodes, we create texts that no one else can write in the same way. Those who write experience their uniqueness directly.
But it’s not just our memories that are valuable. We ourselves are treasures. For us, for our surroundings, for the world.
One of my participants gave her manuscript to her granddaughter after the course. And she was totally surprised: “Grandma, you rebelled against your father back then and did an apprenticeship, even though he didn’t want you to.” The granddaughter saw her grandmother in a whole new light.
Yes, grannies were young, wild and wore mini-skirts once too. Mothers demonstrated against nuclear power and for peace. Great-aunts went to India to meditate and aunts built up businesses – against many odds. They are witnesses of their time, just as we are all children of our time. We learn from history above all when it is conveyed in personally experienced stories.
In this way, biographical work not only becomes a treasure for ourselves, but also for future generations.
Writing makes you strong
The good thing about biography work is that it not only works backwards, but above all forwards. If you appreciate your own story, you will feel like writing new chapters, consciously shaping your life and using your strengths.
I see it again and again: after a course or coaching, women start a new hobby, change jobs, plan a trip, realize a dream. Because if you look at the past with love, you develop strength for the future.
For women, biography work is not a minor matter. It is a key to looking at yourself and your life with appreciation. A way to strengthen self-esteem and see themselves (again) as the main character in their life story.
Your life is nothing special? Yes, your life is your unique path, characterized by courage, love, losses, new beginnings – and by strengths that you may not yet be aware of.
Don’t think, write
Want to harness the power of writing for yourself? Why not start with this simple method?
Find a photo of yourself in which you look happy. Or take a picture that you took in a happy moment.
Put yourself in the scene. What triggered your happiness? How exactly did you feel? What did you perceive at that moment? Does this happiness have a certain smell or taste for you?
Immerse yourself completely in your emotions. Also ask yourself: What can I do to feel this kind of happiness again?
Write everything down. Try not to think too much. Let the words bubble and flow. Everything you write is right and good. Because it comes from within you.
The text is your treasure. And you are more than enough.
About the author
Herzlich willkommen, ich freue mich, dass du mein Profil hier gefunden hast.
Ich bin Beate Fischer. Bei mir dreht sich alles ums Schreiben und ums Leben.
Als freie Lektorin, Autorin, Texterin, Übersetzerin für Leichte/Einfache Sprache und Biografin sorge ich für maßgeschneiderte, persönliche Texte.
Als Schreibpädagogin, Schreibcoach, Trainerin für Biografiearbeit und Dozentin in der Erwachsenenbildung vermittle ich in Kursen oder in Einzelgesprächen vor allem, dass Schreiben Freude machen kann und sehr viel zur persönlichen Entwicklung beiträgt.
Und natürlich auch, dass alle Menschen schreiben können - manchmal fehlt nur die passende Anleitung.
Bei mir gibt's Struktur, Verlässlichkeit und Genauigkeit genauso wie Fantasie, Kreativität und Leichtigkeit.
Ich schreibe am liebsten über Menschen und ihre Lebensgeschichten. Über ihre Wünsche, Träume und Ziele genauso wie über ihre Herausforderungen und Ängste. Über das, was sie geschafft haben, und das, was sie noch erreichen wollen.
Für mich ist jedes einzelne Leben gesellschaftlich wichtig. Jede Person gehört dazu, kann etwas beitragen, gestalten, mitbestimmen und entscheiden. Jede Person steuert ihre Perspektive bei. Nur so wird unsere Gesellschaft bunt, vielfältig und allen gerecht.
Deshalb bin ich offen für alle und alles, solange der Kontakt respektvoll, wertschätzend und menschlich ist.
Und jetzt ist Schluss mit der Theorie. Ich mag die Praxis.
Deshalb hier gleich eine Methode aus dem Kreativen Schreiben: das Akrostichon.
Probiere es einfach mit deinem Namen aus.
Du nimmst dir ein Papier und schreibst deinen Namen am linken Rand von oben nach unten.
Dann überlegst du dir zu jedem Buchstaben etwas Positives, das du mit dir verbindest. Etwas, das dir gefällt, das du gerne machst, das du gut kannst.
Bei mir sieht das zum Beispiel so aus:
B ücherfan
E infühlsam
A ufgeweckt
T eetrinkerin
E infallsreich
Und was fällt dir zu deinem Namen ein?
Ich freue mich auf dich und schicke viele Grüße
Beate
