Appreciate everyday routine or dare to try something new, walk through an unknown door? Is it always an either/or question? And: What does our brain actually long for?
That’s what this column is all about:
- Happy Birthday
- Everyday structures: positive effects
- Structural hunger: a term coined by psychiatrist Eric Berne
- Everyday structures: negative effects
- Our brain benefits from new experiences
- Neuroplasticity and mental health are closely linked
- Nora’s little door philosophy
- My doors
- Your doors
- Encouragement for you
Happy Birthday
Today, on April 25, 2025, this column will be three years old! So happy birthday, dear columnist – and thank you for three years of wonderful and, for me, mentally empowering collaboration with the FemalExperts editorial team. Thank you, dear editor-in-chief Kinga Bartczak, for your suggestion to become your permanent mental health columnist. That opened a new door in my life completely unexpectedly.
Column birthday! What a lovely event, which incidentally brought me to the current topic. I’m talking about the ominous doors. It’s been in the back of my mind for a while, of course … But more on that later. First a bit of theory, then comes the philosophy. Nora’s little door philosophy.
Everyday structures: positive effects
A fixed daily routine with:
- Social contacts,
- professional or voluntary tasks,
- fixed hobbies,
- regular mealtimes and bedtimes,
- a morning and/or evening ritual
can make a decisive contribution to our physical and mental health. This happens because the daily structure gives us a sense of control and predictability, which reduces stress and anxiety.
For people in emotional crises, with mental illnesses or various neurodivergent conditions (e.g. grief processes, depression, autism spectrum, etc.), a fixed everyday structure can be an essential anchor. It allows them to find stability in the familiar.
Tip: Helpful tips on developing a mentally strengthening daily structure can be found in the article "Preventive measures against depression: a structured daily routine"1
Structural hunger: a term coined by the psychiatrist Eric Berne
The Canadian-American psychiatrist Eric Berne (1910-1970), founder of transactional analysis, coined the term “structural hunger” as a human need. According to him, we have three of these drivers or “types of hunger”, which he calls basic psychological needs – analogous to basic physical needs. He calls them hunger for stimulus, hunger for recognition and hunger for structure.
In his writings, he refers to the hunger for structure:
“A perennial problem for man is the question of how to structure his day. In this existential sense, the function of all social life is to provide mutual assistance in mastering this project.”2
“Moreover, people find it difficult to be confronted with a period of time that is not filled with a specific program – i.e. with empty, unstructured time; this is especially true if this period of time lasts longer.”3
Everyday structures: negative effects
However, an overly rigid daily structure can also have a negative impact on our mental health. If the self-imposed guidelines are inflexible, strict or too demanding, this can lead to feelings of helplessness and massive overload. Anxiety can even develop.
It is therefore important to find the right balance and to use a structure once it has been developed as a guide, while remaining open to flexible deviations and new experiences.
Our brain benefits from new experiences
Our brain likes routines and rituals because they allow it to save energy in autopilot mode. A tried and tested three-step pattern is called up, consisting of:
- Trigger stimulus
- Routine treatment
- Reward
But our brain likes new experiences just as much. According to Eric Berne, this satisfies our hunger for stimuli.
The phenomenon of neuroplasticity also comes into play here: our brain changes as a result of different stimuli and different demands. New experiences can influence our brain in such a way that new connections (synapses) grow between nerve cells. The changing brain structure can improve brain function. Our ability to adapt to situations increases and cognitive performance can be (re)enhanced.
Neuroplasticity and mental health are closely linked
When I offer my mind new, interesting experiences, deviate from the familiar, expand my know-how, then that is real “food for the brain”. The metaphor of new doors, which I will come to in a moment, fits in with this.
Psychotherapy also works via neuroplasticity, as stress symptoms can be alleviated and brain activity improved. New and healthy patterns can be trained and old, harmful ones can be overwritten over time.
In this way, our brain changes throughout our lives with every new experience – our personality develops, we learn to expand our behavior patterns and can help determine the direction we take.
Nora’s little door philosophy
On our journey through life, we constantly come across new doors. Most of them are closed. Some scare us from the outside, some look incredibly exciting. We approach them.
What happens now?
Are we just peeking through the keyhole?
Are we pushing the door open curiously?
Do we dare to take a few steps inside?
New doors are new opportunities. ANYTHING can be hidden behind them:
- a wonderful, still unknown person.
- The realization of a small or big dream.
- An exciting project.
- A new job.
- Moving to another city.
- An honorary post or hobby.
- Something completely unexpected that others offer us.
Behind the doors lie precisely these new and exciting experiences that promote the neuroplasticity of our brain. Potentially good experiences that strengthen our mental health. Experiences that we shouldn’t miss out on because we’re afraid we’ll stray from our daily routine.
“I feel very adventurous. There are still so many doors to open and I’m not afraid to look behind them.” – Elizabeth Taylor
My doors
After my retirement for health reasons in 2016, my life initially becomes very narrow, limited to the private sphere. I go into social withdrawal. New doors are nowhere to be seen, because I’m wearing blinkers and am not open to new things. I first have to find myself again after the painful experience of no longer being able to function in the primary labor market in our meritocracy.
But so much is happening from 2019, suddenly these new doors are opening:
- I take part in an online drawing course and make two wonderful friends.
- Then a chance encounter with the mother of a mentally ill son. After 20 years of keeping my bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) secret, I jump over my shadow and tell her about myself. I see how my story shines a ray of hope into her desperate soul.
- It takes me two weeks to do some soul-searching. I recognize my gift to encourage other people so much with my story. Then I make the decision to write my first book. And to deal openly with my mental illness.
- During the writing process, I start collecting recent publications to make it easier to find a publisher later. I overcome self-doubt and fear by taking part in writing competitions.
- During the coronavirus pandemic, I networked online with other writers very carefully and gradually. For the first time, I took part in a three-hour online writing workshop, something I hadn’t even dared to do before.
- A little later, I met a wonderful woman through this writing scene. At first we talked about writing, then we started having video calls. Katyusha and I have since become close friends and favorite writing buddies. I wouldn’t want to be without her in my life for the world. We wrote the column on the Wahlfamilie together.
And the doors continue to appear out of nowhere: Because a little later, I virtually stumble across an article in FemalExpert magazine, written by Kinga Bartczak, about imposter syndrome. I am blown away. I write her an email and suggest a guest article on mental health. On April 25, 2022. my first publication will appear here at FemalExperts: “Mental Health: Individual and Societal Challenge”.
I am so excited and insecure on this day, feeling so much stress. How am I ever going to get through the publication of my book when a single article is already pushing me to my limits and beyond? I’m having the first two articles proofread by a good friend who is psychologically trained as a systemic coach. But my self-confidence in my own expertise and journalistic research skills is growing. I realize that I still have all my professional know-how from communications and PR, but my resilience is often close to zero.
Then Kinga Bartczak approaches me with her proposal to become a permanent columnist for Mental Health at FemalExperts. What an exciting new door! I’m delighted. But there’s also a lot of uncertainty. Can I do it? But Kinga assures me: “A columnist can take a vacation at any time”. I choose my topics on my own and we agree publication dates in the long term so that I learn to deal with my inner stress better. As the number of articles in the column increases, so does my self-confidence and self-efficacy. It’s great fun!
Then I discover Palomaa Publishing, my dream publishing house. A door that I persistently knocked on again and again until it finally opened: My encouraging narrative non-fiction book will be published there in fall 2023: “When light conquers darkness. Shaping life, family and partnership positively with bipolar disorder” .
But so much more happened, there were other doors I walked through:
- I have started an Instagram account on the topics of: Writing/literature, mental health, recovery, education about PTSD and bipolar disorder with now 1,400 followers.
- I’ve been an active member of the German Society for Bipolar Disorders for quite a while now, and I’m involved in editing the members’ magazine and the anti-stigma campaign.
- Join the Autor:innenzentrum Hannover e.V., take part in regular training courses.
- Been singing in the choir again for a year.
- Become a member of the association Hab Mut, zeig Gesicht e.V.
- Discofox dancing also opened a wonderful new door for me for six months at the beginning of 2024, which is now unfortunately closed for physical reasons. But I hope so much that I will open it again after my recovery. Because dancing with my husband is simply wonderful! It only took me 24 years to realize that …
Of course, like everyone, I occasionally come across doors that make me curious but aren’t right for me: I’m offered to join the host team for a podcast – totally exciting, but not my thing. For a few weeks, I’m on the admin team of an online self-help group on Facebook. I constantly have my cell phone in my hand. Once, when my daughter urgently wants something from me, I just keep saying “in a minute, in a minute”, putting her off, not even looking at her. Fortunately, this situation made me realize my inner turmoil and misplaced priorities. I say goodbye to the task.
Yes, and then, in May 2024, I knock on a special door again by contacting Zaradiso Verlag. What then happens over the next ten months is magical: together we develop the idea for a children’s book with encouraging short stories about mental health. 160 primary school children are involved in the creation process. I read the manuscript to them, get feedback on the text and clarify questions of comprehension. The children speak bravely about their own problems and emotional distress. The book sees the light of day in March 2025. Read more in the FemaleExperts article “A heartfelt project for the next generation: a children’s book about courage, feelings and support” by Kinga Bartczak.
The symbolic new doors in our lives are not about collecting successes, even if successes can result from them (see Eric Berne, “Hunger for recognition”). They are about new experiences, courage and opportunities. And sometimes these doors are not the least bit tempting at first glance, but can be of immense importance for us and our mental health. This is shown in the following episode.
Because there’s another door. Large. Dark. Powerful. I know it so well. It scares me so much.
But I gather up all my courage and decide to undergo trauma therapy, which begins in January 2025. Behind this door lies my painful past, all the horror. But also empathic and professional support. Together we go into the deepest pain. It hurts so much. But I am working on my liberation. At the end of February, I shed the burden of permanent trauma stress. It’s not all easy at once, but there is so much more quality of life.
I took off the blinkers I mentioned at the beginning a long time ago. I now see doors to my left and right all the time. Sometimes I peek through the keyhole, some I deliberately walk past, others I eagerly open. Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and give myself a jolt before I dare to push down the handle. My everyday routine gives me the support I need to keep opening up to new things.
My life has become so much richer through all these experiences, especially with wonderful people. After learning to see new doors and experiencing what it means to walk through them, I have become much braver. I keep leaving my comfort zone, giving my brain new food. My life, which had previously become so narrow due to retirement, seems wide again. Full of possibilities, despite my personal limitations due to my mental illness.
Your doors
Now I’m very curious to know how you’ve got on with this column. I’m sure you’ve had encounters or situations pop into your head while reading that symbolize new doors in your life. That you have already walked through or that you are still hesitant about.
“Door always means transition […] An opening door will fill us with expectation like children at the door to the Christmas room. Sometimes we think we can sense everything wild and strange outside the door and everything that entices us and can transform us. All hopes are allowed.”
Fritz Langensiepen: “The door – a symbol of life”
Encouragement for you
Be brave! Dare to look through keyholes, to open doors. Take a few steps into these new spaces. You are allowed to try things out. If what lies behind a new door doesn’t suit you, you can always decide against it again. You are not dependent on others and don’t have to please anyone. Because you can change your mind at any time. You can communicate your decision openly and appreciatively.
What counts alone: It’s your life. That you can shape yourself.
And I wish you much joy in doing just that. Because when we become the protagonists of our lives (again), our mental health and zest for life also grow and flourish.
Sometimes nothing less than a miracle awaits behind a new door.
With all my love
Nora
- Hôpitaux Robert Schuman (ed.): “Preventive measures against depression: A structured daily routine”, In: De ma Santé, source: https://acteurdemasante.lu/de/psychische-gesundheit/praeventivmassnahmen-gegen-depression-ein-strukturierter-tagesablauf/ (accessed April 29, 2025). ↩︎
- Eric Berne: Adult Games (2012), p. 20. ↩︎
- Eric Berne: Structure and Dynamics of Organizations and Groups (1979), p. 235. ↩︎
About the author
Nora Hille was born in 1975, is happily married and has two children. She studied history, literature and media studies, worked in communications/public relations for 12 years and has now retired for health reasons. Today she writes articles on the topics of mental health and mental illness as a sufferer and experience expert. She also writes literary essays, poems (preferably haikus) and short prose. She regularly publishes her mental health column here at FemalExperts Magazine and is Editor of eXperimenta - the magazine for literature, art and society. Anti-stigma work is close to her heart: she is an encourager at Mutmachleute e.V. and is committed to Anti-Stigma-Texts against the stigmatization (exclusion) of the mentally ill in our society for more togetherness, tolerance and equality. In autumn 2023 her book "When Light Defeats Darkness" will be published by Palomaa Publishing. A book of encouragement about how to live a good and rich life despite bipolar illness - and the enormous challenge that this means every day for the inner balance of those affected.
