We all know the saying: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” To be honest, I’ve always hated that phrase. It sounds like an unhealthy call to persevere, ignores the pain caused by a crisis, and denies the many years of suffering that trauma often entails.
This ideal—of simply pulling ourselves together and never showing any weakness—is literally stored in our cells, alongside the influences of family and society. We carry this legacy of our ancestors with us, a kind of biological memory that still leads us today to function rather than feel.
It also makes us feel ashamed, even in our darkest hours, for not simply carrying on, and leads us to believe that we must cope with our pain quietly and entirely on our own.
So we keep going until, at some point, we simply can’t go on anymore and a chronic illness or burnout rears its head. And even then, most people try to suppress the symptoms with medication at first. All of this, just so we don’t appear weak.
What exactly is post-traumatic growth?
Psychology describes a concept that goes much deeper than mere “survival.” It is called post-traumatic growth. It does not refer to ignoring the pain, but rather to the remarkable human ability to rise above oneself by working through the pain.
Imagine a kintsugi vase. In this Japanese art form, the cracks aren’t hidden but are mended with natural resin and fine gold powder. The cracks remain visible, but they shimmer with gold. The vase is no longer the same as it was before. It bears the marks of its past, but that is precisely what makes it special and more unique than ever before.
It can be much the same when people go through a serious crisis: They don’t emerge unscathed, but often with a new perspective, greater inner strength, and sometimes even a deeper understanding of what really matters. It’s not about sugarcoating the suffering—it’s about what you build from the rubble.
The 5 Pillars of Growth
Researchers Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun describe five areas in which people often experience positive growth following crises and trauma:
- Appreciation for life: A shift in priorities; you find more joy in the “little things.”
- Relationships with Others: A greater sense of closeness to loved ones, animals, and nature, as well as more compassion and understanding for others.
- Personal strength: The realization that “If I’ve survived this, I can handle anything else.”
- New Possibilities: Discovering new paths in life or interests that were previously unthinkable.
- Spiritual Insights: A deeper exploration of existential questions, your own faith, and the question of who you really are.
The Rocky Road – Why There Is No Quick Fix
Growth doesn’t mean that the effects of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) simply disappear. Suffering and growth are often closely linked. Sometimes so close that on Monday you’re still feeling deep grief or fear, and by Tuesday you suddenly gain a new clarity about your own life and start making new plans.
It’s important to remember: Growth can’t be forced. There’s no set timeline, and no one should feel pressured to “finally” make something good come out of their suffering. It’s a process—and it takes time.
What will really help you right now.
Social Support
Sometimes it’s enough for someone to just be there and listen. A safe place where you can express your thoughts and feelings without being told what to do. In moments like these, you might feel: Ah, that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now. And that’s okay. I’m okay just the way I am and the way I’m feeling right now.
Active Processing
It can be liberating not only to feel what you’ve experienced, but also to express it creatively—whether you write it down, paint it, or find it in music or movement. The main thing is that you give voice to what’s inside you. It can feel like letting go, and suddenly you’ll feel a little lighter.
Self-Compassion
You don’t have to be “strong.” It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to have days when everything feels overwhelming and still be kind to yourself. Healing takes time. And you’re allowed to take that time.
My conclusion
Trauma changes us—there’s no denying that. It often shatters our basic sense of trust and our deep sense of security. But the concept of post-traumatic growth shows us that the end of the story we knew can be the beginning of a deeper, more conscious version of ourselves.
But post-traumatic growth is not a call for self-optimization. You don’t need to be perfect to be whole or right. This growth doesn’t take place through mere external activity, but at a deeper level. Healing happens in layers and requires self-compassion and patience.
Remember: You don’t have to function perfectly to be right. You’re allowed to grow quietly.
Sources & Further Reading
- Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry.
- Maercker, A. (2015). Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders. Springer Publishing.
- Frankl, Viktor E. (1946). … Saying “Yes” to Life Anyway: A Psychologist’s Experience in a Concentration Camp.
- Bessel van der Kolk (2014),*The Body Keeps the Score *
About the author
Ich bin Autorin aus Leidenschaft. Seit einigen Jahren teile ich mein Wissen über mentale Gesundheit, das Nervensystem und ganzheitliche Körperarbeit in meinen Texten. Zwei Bücher habe ich bereits veröffentlicht – weitere sind schon in Arbeit. Alles, worüber ich schreibe, basiert auf fundiertem Fachwissen und praktischer Erfahrung. Seit sechs Jahren begleite ich Frauen auf ihrem Weg zu mehr Körperbewusstsein, Gesundheit und innerer Balance. Als ausgebildete Entspannungspädagogin und zertifizierte Qigong-Lehrerin verbinde ich westliche Methoden wie Übungen aus der Atemtherapie mit fernöstlicher Weisheit der TCM und dem japanischen Heilströmen. Mit meinen Büchern und Impulsen möchte ich dich inspirieren, dir selbst mit mehr Achtsamkeit, Leichtigkeit und Selbstfürsorge zu begegnen.
