Ethical Influence: Is there an ethical way to become as big as Mel Robbins?

We live in a time when people with a microphone, a few buzzwords and a good camera become “voices of the world” in record time.

At the top: self-help stars like Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty.

And while some celebrate them, others feel a vague sense of unease:

“Something about it feels wrong – but why?”
“And more importantly, is there a way to become similarly visible – without these tricks?”

This is exactly what this article is about.

The problem: Parasocial relationships as a business model

When you listen to Mel Robbins, you don’t just hear tips. You are listening to a perfect marketing machine.

• “Hey, it’s your friend Mel…”
• “I love you, I believe in you…”
• “Welcome to the Mel Robbins family…”

Sounds warm, sounds friendly, but is a system.

It is not real closeness, it is constructed closeness – for millions of people at the same time.

That’s not friendship, that’s parasocial bonding:

You have the feeling that you know someone who doesn’t know you – and that’s where power comes from.

When you see through this, two questions arise:

1. Is that manipulation?
2. And if so, am I automatically out of the game as an entrepreneur if I don’t want to do something like this?

My answer to you:

Yes, a lot of it is manipulation.
No, you’re not out. You’re just playing a different game.

The real question: Do you want a fan community – or customers who act on their own responsibility?

The Robbins/Shetty/Influencer school builds a specific system:

• They pretend to be your girlfriend or your inner circle.
• They use emotionally charged language (lovebombing, tears, storytelling drama).
• They merge “love” with calls-to-action: sharing, buying, subscribing = signs of your connection with them.

The result:

You feel seen – and contribute to their reach free of charge.

The question is not: “Is that clever?” – yes, it is.

The question is: Is that what you want? Do you want to build a business based on emotional dependency?

If your answer is no, then read on.

Yes, there is an ethical way to grow up like this – but it looks different!

For me, I call it: Ethical Influence – influence without manipulation.

No buzzwords, no emotional games – but a consciously designed communication system.

No illusions, no staging – but a clear path back to integrity.

At its core, it consists of four things:

1. Connection instead of parasocial bonding
2. Leadership instead of manipulation
3. Plain text instead of theater
4. Empowerment instead of dependency

Let’s go through this in concrete terms.

1. connection instead of parasocial bonding

The parasocial scam works like this:

• “We are family.”
• “I love you, even though we don’t know each other.”
• “This episode is just for you, exactly what you need right now.”

This creates an illusion: closeness without a relationship.
People who are lonely, exhausted or disoriented are particularly susceptible to this.

The ethical alternative: authentic resonance.

This means in practice:

• You treat your audience like adults, not like needy children.
• You don’t say you love her if you don’t know her.
• You allow closeness, but call the relationship by its name: “You know me through my content – and I accompany you a bit.”
• You are personal without pretending to be best friends.

That seems less “cute” – but extremely trustworthy.
And trust is a more long-term currency than hype.

2. leadership instead of manipulation

is manipulation:

I’m steering you in one direction – and I’m not telling you that I’m steering you.

Mel & Co. do it like this, for example:

• Lovebombing first,
• then subtle hypnotic language (“time will slow down, your heart will soften…”),
• then: Call-to-action: share, subscribe, spread the word – packaged as an act of love.

Ethical Influence does the opposite:

• You say what you do.
• You say why you’re doing it.
• And you consciously let people decide.

Concrete examples of clean leadership:

• “I have an offer for you at the end of this article – take your time to read it and see if it’s right for you.”
• “If this helps you, you’re welcome to share it – but only if your gut says yes.”
• “I earn money with my work. That’s no secret. But I will never try to get you into a program through pressure or artificial drama.”

You lead – without tricking.
You sell – without hijacking nervous systems.

3. plain text instead of storytelling theater

Of course storytelling is powerful. But there is a difference between:

• honest history and
• choreographed emotionality.

If someone tells the same “touching” story for the hundredth time, each time with perfectly placed tears – then that is no longer authenticity. It’s a stage device.

What is the alternative? Plain text + real emotion – without staging.

This means for your content:

• You can be emotional – but you don’t have to put on an emotional show.
• You can show weakness – without using it as a hook.
• You’re allowed to call a spade a spade – even if it doesn’t sound like a perfectly curated Instagram story.

For example:

• instead of: “I cried and then the universe sent me a sign…”
• rather: “I was at a point where I was about to give up everything – and then decided to take on responsibility.”

Less drama, more truth.
And yes, there are people who can do less with it.
They’ll stick with the gurus – that’s perfectly okay.

Those who stay with you want reality, not theater.
And these are often the people you really want to work with.

4. empowerment instead of dependency

Perhaps the most important distinguishing feature:

Mel & Co. are often the center of the universe.
Message: “You need me. My methods. My voice. My next episode.”

Ethical Influence turns this around:

“Above all, you need yourself.
I give you tools, perspectives, spaces – but I want you to become clearer, stronger, freer without me.”

In practice, this means

• Your content builds competence, not just consumption.
• Your programs strengthen self-leadership, not followership.
• Your goal is not for everyone to “stay with you forever”, but for them to
  • grow,
  • become more stable,
  • make better decisions.

Your business then becomes a training ground, not a temple.
And you are more of a navigator than a saint.

What does an ethical call-to-action actually look like?

Let’s take a very practical look at this.

Manipulative CTA:

“Share this episode with someone you love – that’s the greatest proof of love you can give.”

Message underground:

If you don’t share, you don’t love properly.
So: emotional pressure.

Ethical CTA:

“If this article makes you see things more clearly, feel free to send it on to someone who is at a similar point. Not for me – for you.”

No pressure.
No guilt.
Invitation only.

The same applies to sales:

Manipulative:

• artificial scarcity,
• wrong deadlines,
• emotional pressure (“This is YOUR last chance…”).

Ethical:

• clear information: What, for whom, by when, at what price.
• real (!) shortage, if it really exists.
• and most importantly: “If it’s not on, don’t do it.”

This will certainly cost you a few sales in the short term.
In the long term, it builds a community that trusts you – not just follows you.

And now?

The real point is this:

You don’t have to choose between:

• either loud, big, omnipresent – but manipulative
• or small, quiet, integer – but invisible

There is a third way:

Large, clear, visible – and ethically clean.

• You use marketing psychology – but consciously and transparently.
• You know triggers – and decide not to exploit them.
• You want impact – but not at the cost of your customers’ dignity.

You won’t win over the “huge community” with it.
But you are building something that is needed more than ever in uncertain times:

Adult leadership.
Clarity instead of enchantment.
Responsible freedom instead of emotional chains.

For you to take away

If you’re reading this article, feel free to ask:

1. Where am I perhaps already unconsciously using mechanics that are based on pressure rather than clarity?
2. How do I want people in my world to feel: dependent or empowered?
3. What would be the most honest way to sell my next content and offers?

And then you start – piece by piece – to build your own system.
Not as a “nice copy of Mel”, but as: your own version of Ethical Influence.

And my CTA to you: Share this article with your friends and colleagues.